A Philly father sets out to create a support network for other fathers raising children with autism

Growing up in North Philadelphia, Jamiel Owens and his brother were raised by a young single mom, who lived with serious mental health issues.

Owens said he was kicked out of his home at 16, and he ended up leaving school, where he was an A student.

“I kind of ushered right into adulthood even though I didn’t want to, manhood as well, too,” he said.

Eventually, Owens got his GED in lieu of a high school diploma, met his first wife and had a son, Shayne.

“So then you had a man that had so much trauma and so much anger at the world now has this beautiful child that he’s responsible for,” he said. “But the traumas overtook what I should have been doing. So I was present, but I wasn’t present.”

His marriage became strained, he said. Owens then noticed that his son was behaving and developing differently than other kids. After some testing, Shayne was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at 3 years old, and that “pushed me over the edge,” Owens said.

“And I totally left for the first three or four years of Shayne’s life,” he said. “I’m not afraid to admit that. I was not there. Because of all the traumas that I’ve been through in life that I never dealt with and not having an example of manhood in that home, the easiest thing for me to do was to run.”

Owens returned to Shayne’s life after finding the help and support he needed to be a caring father, he said. He became a volunteer firefighter, moved out to the suburbs and remarried.

Today, Owens is the Family Relations Coordinator at CHOP’s Center for Autism Research and founded the annual Autism Fathers Conference to help other fathers and male caregivers find a supportive community as they raise kids with autism.

“We come from different backgrounds, but the basis that brings us together is two things, the autism diagnosis itself and the love that we have for our children,” he said. “It looks differently on men than what it does on women and that’s understandable, right? But what is not acceptable is keeping it there. We have to find ways to connect with each other so we can prevent what I went through.”

The 2nd annual CHOP Autism Fathers Conference will take place at The Vanguard School in Malvern on April 5 in collaboration with the A.J. Drexel Autism Institute.

It’s open to all parents and caregivers, but Owens said he wanted the event to provide a safe space for fathers to connect through shared experiences and benefit from education and services for developmental and intellectual disabilities.

Tom Quinn, executive director at The Vanguard School, which specializes in education for students with autism and other learning or behavioral disabilities, said hosting this year’s event was a natural fit.

“It’s such a giant learning curve that most of our families don’t prepare for. They don’t know the diagnosis is coming and then when it comes, there’s just an enormous amount of information that comes their way that has to be processed,” he said.

The event creates an opportunity for parents to share their challenges, find new resources and connect in ways they haven’t before, Quinn said.

“They are such warriors for their kids, they are the ones who end up fighting for all of these connections,” he said. “The more they share and the more work that they’ve done that the next person who comes along and gets a diagnosis can benefit from, there’s just a real rich community in that.”

The conference will have vendors from local organizations, agencies and programs that offer resources and services for developmental disabilities. Guest speakers will make presentations, and parents will participate in group sessions.

Breakfast and lunch are included in the $10 registration fee, and there will be shuttle services from the SEPTA Malvern Regional Rail station to the school’s campus.

For Owens, it’s a full circle moment. He has a close relationship with his son, who he said has taught him to be a compassionate, empathetic and patient father, and lead by example.

“What I’m learning every day from Shayne is not to linger on my negatives or my ‘Ls,’ right? Your losses,” he said. “Not to hinder myself on those, but to look to the positive future and also what I can actually change and be present.”

Registration to attend the conference in Malvern is open online.