Handling holiday stress: How to navigate grief, loss and conflict

From Philly and the Pa. suburbs to South Jersey and Delaware, what would you like WHYY News to cover? Let us know!

The holidays are typically a time for joyful gathering and creating lifelong memories. For many, they also bring stress, anxiety, and emotional challenges.

Financial pressures, work-life imbalances, political tensions, or the loss of a loved one can weigh heavily on mental well-being during this season.

Karen Pinkney, of Philadelphia, said she is struggling entering the holiday season this year. She lost her sister, Rose Pinkney-Moore, six months ago, and is still grieving the earlier deaths of her parents and brother.

“As the holiday approaches, the sights, sounds, and the smells of Thanksgiving and Christmas bring joy and happiness. However for me, at times, it brings waves of deep sadness,” said Pinkney. “For many that have experienced loss … the holidays are a reminder of their absence.”

And it’s not just the holidays that have many people worried about the future.

A report from the American Psychological Association explains that more than 7 in 10 adults identified the future of our nation (77%) as a significant source of stress in their lives. Other big sources of stress included the economy and the 2024 presidential election, as well as the environment, crime and global conflict.

Dr. Argie Allen Wilson is co-founder of the Philadelphia-based nonprofit Mental Health First Connects as well as founder of Faith Connects therapy practice and co-founder of the for-profit Connections Matter. She told WHYY News that when discussing matters of politics around the holidays it’s important to remember that many folks are still working through their emotions and thoughts.

“We’re still processing,” she said, and emphasized the need to avoid denying or suppressing emotions.

“Honor [your emotions]. Process it, so that you don’t act it out or act in it,” she said. “Because if you act it out, then you’re projecting those emotions, and usually, they’re displaced onto someone else.”

She recommends patience, boundaries, and self-care as tools to ease holiday stress. Boundaries include limiting exposure to toxic people, social media, and other triggers that can worsen anxiety. For situations that are difficult to avoid but could bring conflict, such as discussions with family members around the holiday dinner table, she suggests being skillful about navigating talk of politics.

Wilson also advocates for maintaining routines that promote mental and physical health throughout the holiday season, such as getting adequate rest, exercising, eating well, and staying hydrated. Participating in activities that bring joy can also foster positivity.

“If they’re not really feeding your soul, your mind, body, and spirit, then I would say that would be a non-starter,” she said. “It doesn’t mean that you cut people off completely, but you really do have to focus on the things that are feeding you so that you can be fit.”

Wilson suggests leaning on a strong support system and engaging in uplifting environments to process and transform emotions. Support groups can offer solace and connection.

“Remember that you don’t have to process your feelings alone, but you also don’t have to process them with everyone, because everyone is not necessarily fit or hasn’t earned the right to be on the front row seat of your life,” she said.

For those, like Pinkney, who are grieving a loved one, Wilson advises being gentle with oneself. Grief, she says, is the “highest act of love” and a journey of growth.

“I say brace yourself, because those emotions are real that you’re dealing with, and you need a safe space to process all of that while you’re growing through it,” said Wilson, who is the author of “Courageous Conversations Connect: A Pathway to Reset Your Mindset with Intentional Thoughts from the Inside Out.” “That growing through it means you’re learning some things about yourself and the people around you.”