Trump’s second Charlottesville statement, translated

At the White House yesterday, Trump said:

“… Racism is evil. And those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including the KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans. We are a nation founded on the truth that all of us are created equal. We are equal in the eyes of our Creator. We are equal under the law. And we are equal under our Constitution. Those who spread violence in the name of bigotry strike at the very core of America …“

In translation, here’s what he was really saying:

“My fellow red-state Americans, forgotten citizens of My Base, the most terrific 34 percent the likes of which we’ve never seen before, I apologize to you for these remarks. I didn’t want to say them. What I said originally on Saturday, about how the Charlottesville violence was on many sides — that came from my gut and heart. When I refused on Saturday to single out those proud white marchers — that came from my gut and heart. But the remarks I made today — that was just stuff somebody handed to me that I guess I had to say.

“I’m a victim just like you. The fake-news media, the PC losers, the liberal deep state — they’re out to get all of us. They had such hatred for my true Saturday remarks that they started hounding me. I can’t arrest them and jail them the way Vladimir can, so I tried to hose them down. I let my White House put out a Sunday statement kissing up to the left, and I let some of my flunkies go on the Sunday shows — lousy ratings! — to malign the white marchers, but there was no way I was gonna make a surrender statement in my own name.

“I held out as long as I could. The problem, as I’m sure you understand, is that the haters wouldn’t rest until I threw them a bone. So now I’ve thrown them a bone. You saw what I did. I opened my remarks by hailing the most fantastic economy ever, which is all because of me, and I’m just getting started. I’m going to build the best Autobahns. Then came the section of my remarks where I had to talk about ‘loving each other’ and ‘affection’ — all those weasel words that sound so weak.

“People of My Base, you know better than anyone that when I talk about ‘love’ and ‘equality,’ when I say that racism is bad, it’s just a ruse. Remember, I spent five years saying that Obama was a Kenyan, and you rewarded me for it. You, me, Bannon, Gorka – we all understand each other.

“So basically, when I made that new statement about Charlottesville, my attitude was, ‘All right, all right, if it’s so frickin’ important for me to say that the Nazis are evil, then OK fine, they’re evil. The words were on a Teleprompter, and I said the words. Everybody happy now?’

“But no, they’re still not happy. So the only option we have is to crush them. My 2020 re-election campaign is running a very strong ad against our enemies. My Justice Department is trying to identify the people who looked at a ‘resistance’ website. And forget what I said in my statement about ‘equality.’ We’re working hard to suppress the enemy electorate, to ensure that some voters are more equal than others.

“So thank you for not believing a word I said in that new statement. I didn’t believe ’em, either.”

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Or, as the poet Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

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