Ep. 5: Pride 365

[MUSIC]

ANTOINELLA: Pride, to me, means being comfortable with who you are enough to, like, love yourself for however you identify. And being able to show that through your actions or through coming to a festival and just dancing in the street.

JAMES: I think it’s important right now more than ever, to show them as much support as possible, especially with all the changes that are going on in government.

DARNELL: We’re not all about drinking and smoking and turning up. We’re all about our community. We’re all about love and equal rights.

CAMERON: Being able to, like, be comfortably who I am without people judging me.

[THEME MUSIC]

MICHAELA WINBERG, HOST: Welcome back to March On: The Fight for Pride. I’m your host, Michaela Winberg.

On this episode, we’re going to Philly Pride. The organization that ran the event for decades collapsed last summer. And then a new group took over.

We’ll see if their event this year felt different from the old Prides — with the corporate floats and the police presence that made so many in the LGBTQ community feel unsafe.

Together, we’ll hear whether this new group reached their goal to create a Pride celebration where the entire community feels welcome. And what that means for the future of the Pride movement.

[MUSIC]

I rolled up to Independence Mall about a half hour before the march was supposed to start.

It looked like the perfect day. A gorgeous, sunny, 75 degrees. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little uneasy. Just the night before, there was a mass shooting about a mile from where the Pride festival would be.

Three people had died, and 11 more were wounded. That tragedy was stacked on top of already frequent incidents of gun violence in our city. And the recent death of a gay man, Eric Pope, after he was punched by a private security guard outside a Gayborhood bar.

I didn’t know what all this would mean for Pride. Whether the police would really stay on the perimeter, like the organizers wanted — and if people would feel safe to show up.

But a half hour before the start of the march, hundreds of people were there already. I didn’t even know queers could get up that early!

[MUSIC]

But there they were. Catching up, putting on glitter, taking selfies.

PRIDE ATTENDEE: It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.

MW: Per usual, some vendors were selling rainbow merch.

VENDOR: Flags here. Flags here. Philly flag guy. This is your flag guy!

MW: The energy was building. And people were excited.

PRIDE ATTENDEES: One, two, three. I LOVE GAY PEOPLE. Woo!

MW: The crowd kept growing. The street was filled with queer and trans people, with a line stretching more than three city blocks. There must’ve been thousands of them.

At the front of the line, there were about a dozen butch lesbians, wearing leather and stradling motorcycles.

[MUSIC AND MOTORCYCLE ENGINE SOUNDS]

A Black, queer activist named Samantha Rise started hyping the crowd on the mic.

SAMANTHA RISE: If you can hear me, if you believe in equality, equity, dignity, justice, liberation in our lifetime, make some noise. (Cheers) One more time: equity, dignity, justice, liberation, pleasure, all of it, in our lifetimes. Right here, right now. Make some noise. (Cheers) Philadelphia, we’re about to stomp these streets like we own these streets, because we do. Period. Full stop.

MW: Samantha is standing in the street, speaking to thousands of people — young, old, all races, all genders. They’re decked out in rainbow, or leather, or face paint. Many were holding homemade signs, with protest messages like “stop homophobia” and “no justice, no peace.”

Toward the back, there was a drum line keeping the beat.

[DRUMLINE SOUNDS]

And then the first speaker came up.

TAMMY WALKING STICK: My name is Tammy Walking Stick, and I am Indigenous. My ancestors are from the land that you are standing on. Many, many, many, many, many, many years ago, this was a village, right where you’re standing. I need everyone to get down and touch the ground if you can.

MW: The entire crowd kneels down to the pavement. And Tammy starts to cry.

TW: My ancestors are buried right here. I support you all. And I love you all. And I want you to know that we need your love back. The Indigenous people of Philadelphia are still here. And as much support as we give to this community, we need your support for our community.

MW: Tammy’s aunt, Claudia Haddad, joins her in front of the crowd.

CLAUDIA HADDAD: I’m also a two-spirit, trans, Indigenous person. My transition came around 1974. I’m 73 years old. (Cheers)

MW: Claudia sang a song in her native language.

[CLAUDIA SINGING]

MW: Already this was unlike any Pride event I had ever been to. The march created space for raw emotion. For sadness, and anger. It amplified the most marginalized people in the community.

SR: Have you thanked a Black trans woman today? Just throw one up please, right now. Thank you! Thank you! To our trans-cestors, thank you!

MW: A focal point of the march was the fight for trans rights.

This year set a new record for anti-trans bills. More than 300 of them have been introduced in legislatures across the country. Many of them target children, limiting access to gender-affirming care or banning trans athletes from playing sports.

This Pride march seemed to unite the LGBTQ community over these issues.

SR: If we don’t get it, shut it down. Trans rights are human rights. Trans rights are human rights. Trans rights are human rights. Trans rights are human rights.

MW: Liora Libertad, a Black trans person, wanted to tell people what it’s like to live in the world right now. How scary it can be.

LIORA LIBERTAD: I know that some of you know that feeling, that I’m holding on to something in my purse. We all know what it is, ‘cause it’s sharp. Because I have to defend myself. So today, I come up here to talk about history.

MW: Liora brought up the Stonewall Riots. They talked about the pioneers, like Black trans woman Marsha P. Johnson, who put her life on the line at Stonewall to protect her community.

Liora was asking their community for that same energy.

LL: Understand that love is an action. It is not just a feeling. Love is being able to say, I will put my body in front of you, I will train myself to protect you. Love says, I will do what I must so that you can be free. (Cheers)

MW: Walking Philly’s busiest streets next to thousands of chanting queers, this felt more like a protest than the Pride events I’ve been to.

The chants were some of the same I’ve heard at Black Lives Matter rallies over the years.

It was still fun, for sure. People were laughing, and dancing along to the music.

SR: You better shake your ass Philly.

MW: One person even climbed a bus shelter and started twerking on top of it.

SR: Yes! Yes! Stay safe baby. Ah! Woo!

MW: Finally the march reached the Gayborhood for a street festival.

[MUSIC]

There were already thousands of people there. Seriously, it seemed like all of a sudden the crowd doubled in size. The streets were packed, body to body.

About half the festival felt like a club. Everybody was dancing and drinking together in the streets. There was a huge crowd outside Woody’s, one of the gay bars that has a history of making some people feel racially excluded.

But it wasn’t just about partying.

There was also a relaxation area — with cozy rugs and couches and live music.

[PERSON SINGING]

This was a really cute place to stop and talk. The music offered this romantic, almost majestic energy. A classic tenderqueer vibe.

There was also a sober space.

A space for families, with games and bouncy houses. And also, something I never knew I needed to see but absolutely did: A children’s drag show. Like, the kids were competing.

ANNOUNCER: It’s your turn. Take the stage! (Cheers)

MW: Some of the kids were super into it. And some were not. This one preteen boy was totally embarrassed, and basically just walked in a circle the whole time.

But then this little girl came up and blew everyone out of the water. She did four cartwheels in a row.

[CHEERS]

Of course, she ended up winning.

ANNOUNCER: And last, but not least, certainly the shortest! Contestant number three! (Cheers)

MW: The drag queen hosting the show also gave the kids some pretty good advice.

ANNOUNCER: You see, it’s hard to be up there by yourself! And be like, oh, audience, please love me. I just, all I want is your appreciation. But you have to fake that confidence sometimes, because you’re not gonna feel it every day.

MW: It seemed like there was a place for everyone at this festival, whatever your vibe is. Whether you wanted to party, or hang with your kids, or just chill on a couch, there was a spot for that.

Cameron Adamez, who’s trans and Mexican American, noticed that the event was way more inclusive than before.

CAMERON ADAMEZ: This is probably the most trans presence I’ve had at Pride, so I’m pretty happy about it.

MW: Cameron told me they’d been to the old Pride parades.

CA: I went to the one in 2019. And like, it was okay. But it was a little bit off-putting.

MW: When Cameron thinks back to that event, the first thing they remember is how the parade celebrated law enforcement. Philly Police marched in uniform that year.

Like many other LGBTQ people of color, Cameron isn’t a fan of police.

CA: I mean, I’ve also been, like, profiled racially, and like, with my gender. So I feel like they’re not going to help me.

MW: But Cameron noticed that at this year’s event, security was different.

During the festival, uniformed police officers seemed to stay on the perimeter — just like the organizers said they would. Even with the mass shooting the night before, I never saw them enter the actual festival.

I also wanted to check out how corporations were on display at the event.

Organizers promised that this year, even though they were taking corporate money, the corporations wouldn’t have an overwhelming presence in the event.

As far as I could tell, it seemed like they kept that promise. I counted four corporate tents in the festival — and they were stuck in this alleyway where you could barely see them.

Cameron thought the new Pride group struck a good balance.

CA: I’ve seen the more corporatization of Pride over time, and it’s not great. But at the same time, these things cost money. You want to be able to pay everyone here, and everyone who performs here does deserve money. And like everyone that works hard at this does deserve to be compensated for it. So it’s kind of a push and pull. I think that it’s good that they’re not noticeable.

MW: Other people also felt the different vibe, compared to the old Pride.

KAHLIL: Kahlil. I’m 27.

MW: For Kahlil, past Pride celebrations used to feel segregated.

K: Typically like, the white caucasians go down to Penn’s Landing, to the festival, while the Black community comes down to the Gayborhood. But like we’re all together. It’s like building a community for everybody to, like, get along and just be loved, all as one. But just to be honest, I haven’t gone to a Pride since 2017. This is my best Pride yet.

MW: Kahlil is a person of color, and knows these deep Gayborhood wounds personally.

In the past, Kahlil said they noticed a double standard around what kind of IDs were acceptable for people of different races at Gayborhood bars.

This Pride event in the Gayborhood started to heal those wounds.

K: Does my experience feel better in the Gayborhood like now? Yeah, definitely. Like back then, it wasn’t as welcoming. But now I feel like everybody’s just welcoming everybody, just feeling love. Like everybody is just one.

MW: But not everyone was there to feel that.

[MUSIC]

ELICIA GONZALES: I just didn’t feel like it would be consistent to say that I was opposed to that gathering and then, like, show up anyway.

MW: Coming up: We’ll tell you why some members of the new Pride group didn’t show up to the event. And what it all says about the larger Pride movement.

That’s next, on March On.

[MIDROLL]

Welcome back to March On.

Elicia Gonzales used to feel like Pride was a sanctuary. A space where she felt like herself. She was close friends with the old Pride organizer, Franny Price. A few years back, she even proposed to her wife there.

I caught up with her the day after this year’s Pride to see what she thought. She was a member of the new group trying to reinvent it.

She told me that the march made her realize something.

EG: When I got down there, I was just completely amazed and excited about how many young folks there were there. And literally, at the beginning of the event, my wife turned to me and said, are you an elder now? I was like, yeah, I guess I am. Like, I don’t know when this happened, but I’m absolutely an elder.

MW: Being an elder comes with experience. So Elicia could tell how different this march was from the usual Pride Parade. She couldn’t feel a corporate or police presence in the march. And she was happy about that.

But then, after the march ended, Elicia decided to head home.

After everything that’s happened in the Gayborhood, especially the racism against Black and brown LGBTQ people, Elicia was against throwing the festival there.

She didn’t want the event there to begin with — and she wasn’t going to show up to support it.

EG: I just wasn’t one of the folks who was as excited about having it be in the Gayborhood. For some of the reasons that we’ve described before, about the Gayborhood bars and some of their lack of concern specifically for Black and trans queer folks. So I just didn’t feel like it would be consistent to say that I was opposed to that gathering and then, like, show up anyway. I, for full transparency, have taken a couple of steps back over the past several weeks or so.

MW: She’s not the only one.

The same issues that emerged at the start of the new group, are the ones that have led people to take space from it now. Some members disagreed with each other about what the event should look like — and where it should be. That started some arguments, and led to some hurt feelings.

Now that the event is over, Elicia has heard calls from some members for another retreat to come back together.

EG: My hope moving forward is that there continues to be that reminder to be graceful with ourselves, to go slow, to work on our infrastructure, on trust building, on making sure that people are working within their capacity and not being burnt out — particularly folks whose labor is already exploited oftentimes, like maybe in their own workplace. And so just to be thoughtful and gentle as we move forward.

MW: Elicia said she’s not sure if she’ll stay involved with the group. But she’s still hopeful about what they’ve built.

EG: This group came together and was rooted very much in love and a desire to do things differently. And I think the points of unity are a clear marker for what this group has been, and can continue to be.

We have the foundation of what’s needed in order for us to draw the map together. And the people at the table are just incredibly committed to its success, to sitting through the discomfort, through having hard conversations, and for approaching all of the challenges, but from a place of love, right? Versus ego. And so yeah, I feel confident. I feel hopeful with the folks that are around the table. And I think that yesterday was an example of what can happen, if that’s what we dream up together.

[MUSIC]

MW: After Philly Pride Presents collapsed in June of 2021, this new group of mostly Black and brown organizers formed. They got together with just a year to rebuild Pride. And they created an event that the community seemed to love — with way less police and corporate presence.

But it wasn’t easy. And by the time it actually happened, organizers of color were burnt out. And there was tension in the group.

I wanted to know what this all says about the larger Pride movement.

So I called up Sydney Lewis, a Black, queer woman who’s an expert in all this. She teaches a course on Black queer studies at the University of Maryland, which has a whole unit about Pride.

She’s seen this national rumbling over Pride playing out in cities around the country, like Boston, Pittsburgh and San Francisco. She’s even seen protests at Pride in Washington, D.C.

SYDNEY LEWIS: I think it’s been brewing for quite some time now.

MW: Even though Sydney studies LGBTQ culture, she hadn’t been to Pride in years. She’s 44, and she sort of feels like she’s grown out of it — that it’s not relevant to her anymore.

But when I told her how Philly’s event looked this year, she got kind of emotional.

SL: I hate to be nostalgic, and I may be looking at it through the lens of youth at the time. But I remember Pride in the ‘90s being very much kind of like that, where there wasn’t this huge corporate presence, where there wasn’t this overwhelming police presence, where it was a gathering of folks, and where people were doing organizing amidst the festivities and amidst the partying. So it sounds kind of like that, which I’ve been very nostalgic for, actually, and would probably get me back out into the Pride scene, if Pride looked like that.

MW: But there was a cost to all this.

As nostalgic as the idea of Philly Pride made Sydney feel, she’s not surprised that it stirred up some stress in the collective.

SL: Organizing is hard work. And, unfortunately, the only frameworks we have for organizing are organizing under capitalism, which means that, in general, it’s going to involve exploitation of the organizers. It’s going to involve ways in which people cancel each other, rather than as Audre Lorde said, working across differences. Because all of these are capitalist values, right. And so, there’s no reason necessarily to think that unless you have a very strong intention and capacity to work outside of those values — and that’s really hard to do. Unless you have that strong intention and capacity, there’s no reason necessarily to think that things will look different than that. So there might have been a positive outcome, but I’m not necessarily surprised that the inner dynamics weren’t as positive.

MW: Why does all this matter anyway? I mean, how big a deal is it if tension emerges in the group organizing Pride? Or if some people leave the group?

Well, it does matter. Because we’ve learned from past Pride organizations that if a community splinters off, then most marginalized people often end up feeling isolated, or excluded. And that can be dangerous, especially for trans people of color in this political climate.

SL: If we really want to honor what we know of as Pride, it should be a location where we are marching against anti-trans legislation, we are marching against Don’t Say Gay bills, we are marching against the overturn of Roe v. Wade. The powers that be are really trying to turn us back to our earlier time. They’re really working really hard on the long-term strategy to bring us back there. And so we need to use some of the tools that we had before, and some of the tools that we have now, in order to fight back.

[MUSIC]

MW: There was one last person I was eager to catch up with. Someone who had been hurt and left out of Pride before. And who joined the new group to try and help build something different.

I wondered what she thought about this year’s event.

So I reached out to Naiymah Sanchez. The Afro Latina trans woman you met in episode two, who always found herself standing outside the gates of Pride.

NAIYMAH SANCHEZ: We were able to put your $5 and my $5 together, and go get a pizza from Pizza Hut and sit there at the park. While they’re over there with their feather boas, drinking their $20 beer, you’re having your $10 pizza, enjoying your $2 blunt, where you feel safe.

MW: It turns out, Naiymah didn’t come to Pride this year either. She was one of the members of the collective who didn’t like what it became. Naiymah didn’t want the event to be in the Gayborhood. She still didn’t feel safe there.

And she had conflicts with some of the people who organized it. So she didn’t show up.

Instead, that same day, she was being painted by a local artist at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

The artist led a children’s class. All the kids colored on individual sheets of paper. Put together, those papers made up Naiymah’s face. It was bright, and organic in a coloring-outside-the-lines kind of way.

So, just like when Naiymah was a teen, she sort of made her own Pride.

NS: I am a trans woman who is formerly incarcerated, a survivor of sexual assault, a person who have achieved a great I am through drug use, and through all of this abuse, that I can still see my own self worth. That is Pride. And it’s not going to stop because they didn’t have a damn party.

I’m alive. I’m proud of that. Trans women of color, Black trans women, don’t exist past the age of 35. I’m 38. Like, that is Pride.

MW: I don’t know what it will take to create a Pride for everyone. I don’t know if it’s possible.

But I know that when I talk to people like Naiymah, it becomes clear that Pride can’t come without freedom.

Without the safety of Black and brown and trans people, Pride feels hollow to Naiymah. It’ll probably take more years, more trust-building, to really rebuild Pride for everyone. Maybe we’ll get there. Maybe we won’t.

In the meantime, Naiymah is clear-eyed. She says Pride should still be a fight for civil rights.

[MUSIC]

NS: Pride is actually being able to go into a surgeon’s office and getting your affirming surgery. Pride is being able to go into the DMV and getting your gender marker correct, or you’re going into the courts and having your name changed. Pride is getting off for parole. Pride is not going to jail for jay-walking. Pride is being able to live your truth authentically.

We’re not there yet. Our community is not liberated.

How it originated, even ‘till today, I think that we all should be able to be proud of who we are, who we love, how we express ourselves. But Pride is 365. It’s not just one day of the year. That’s why, I wish people — what can we do on this one day that will co-empower a person to be Pride 365?

[MUSIC]

MW: March On was reported and hosted by me, Michaela Winberg. Production and scoring by Taylor Hosking. Engineering and sound design by Charlie Kaier. Original music by Seth Kelley. Cover art by Symone Salib. Our editor is Lindsay Lazarski. Special thanks to Danya Henninger and Gabriel Coan.

This podcast is a production of WHYY and Billy Penn. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to everyone who shared their story for this podcast and thank you all so much for listening.

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