Five things Lady Gaga needs to know about Lancaster County before taking up residence

The big news in Lancaster County earlier this week is the rumor that Lady Gaga is looking for a house to buy. She was even spotted at a Giant supermarket in the city, according to the York Daily Record—in the meat section, no doubt, looking to make repairs to her dress.

The Inquirer had a report that she was peeping million-dollar mansions in the gated Bent Creek Community in Manheim Township. Her boyfriend, “Vampire Diaries” actor Taylor Kinney, is from Lancaster City, and they’re trying to put down some roots.

So before she sinks her immense fortune into some Pennsylvania real estate, we thought we’d give her some advice. Here are five things Lady Gaga needs to know about Lancaster County:

1. You won’t have to register your brassiere as a firearm in Pennsylvania. However, if you plan on wearing a coat, you will need a License To Carry Firearms, like anyone else with a concealed weapon.

2. Amish craftsmen may be most comfortable with furniture, but a fine shaker rocking chair may give you the perfect materials for your next show-stopper dress at the MTV Video Music Awards.

3. There is no Barney’s New York in Lancaster, but you might be able to set up a booth for your Workshop at any one of the county’s many events and festivals. 

4. You might draw some inspiration from Amish church singing traditions. The High German songbook, the Ausbund, doesn’t have any musical notes (the tunes are carried from one generation to the next), but it might give you more German to work with than Scheiße.

5. If you’re scouting for dancers, you might find any number of Amish teenagers in Rumspringa willing to sow some wild oats.