Banning pajamas? 7 more things never to wear in public

The commissioner of a small Louisiana town wants to keep people from wearing pajamas in public, and he’s proposing a law to that effect. Could this happen here? What clothing item would you ban?

Spooked by a public encounter with a man whose pajama bottoms left his dangly bits visible, the commissioner of Caddo Parish, La., wants to keep people from wearing sleepwear in public, and is proposing a law to that effect.

Could this happen in Philly? Should it? Whether you agree about the PJs or not, we all have something we’d like to never see someone wear again.

What would you ban? Tell us below.

Reactionaries will applaud; libertarians will grit their teeth — not that such a law would actually be enforceable. Where do you draw the line?

When you reach a certain age, and you can put some thought into how you present yourself to the world, should you be surprised or disappointed if you don’t get a lot of respect when you leave the house looking like you just woke up from nap time at pre-school?

For those of you new in town, this must seem a little presumptuous coming from the home of the Mummer’s Parade. But the thing is … shut up.

Here is a list of things you should please not wear. Memorize this.

1. Pajamas

Of course. They’re good enough for grabbing the paper off the porch, or stepping outside to yell at a neighbor, but please don’t go to the grocery store or the post office — or school — wearing flannel pants with monkey faces or hearts or little ducks on them.

Even some plainer clothes may look like pajamas, and you may need to be prepared to explain yourself, but be honest: You know if you are wearing sleepwear.

2. Scrubs

 Sometimes, nursewear has a certain sexy cache, but it gets back to the pajama issue. You may be comfortable, btu the rest of us are not.

Worse, there may be a health hazard. It’s not so much what you bring into the hospital, but what you may bring out. 

3. Gorilla costume

I have to throw one in there we can all agree on. Unless it’s Halloween or a birthday party.

4. Flip-flops with socks

If you are separating your big toe from the rest of your feet, and your socks aren’t built that way, go for different footwear.

5. Sportswear

Avoid anything with logos from the following teams. You’ve been warned.

Mets, Giants, Knicks or Rangers (in Philadelphia)
Pirates, Steelers or Penguins
Red Sox
Cowboys
Devils (in Philadelphia)

6. “Pajama jeans”

Clue No. 1: The word “pajama” is in the name. Avoid anything claiming to “look like” something else. In fact, this maxim might be extended to “Wear nothing out in public that you bought from an infomercial.” I don’t care what it’s supposed to look like, you’re fooling no one. And no one looks good in them.

7. Jeggings

These are leggings that are styled to look like tight denim jeans — in other words, glorified tight long johns. They’re like pajama jeans but, for whatever reason, more socially accepted and sold in places besides direct marketing TV ads.

I might even say you can wear jeggings (if you must), but only if you also wear a skirt or shorts — even a long shirt or sweater. Looking like you’re wearing nothing from the waist down is not fashion, it’s nudity. (See also: “camel toe,” and “moose knuckle.”)

This of course does not apply if you are a superhero, and regulations compel you to wear tight costumes.

8. Skinny jeans

Generally they make people look emaciated and unwell. If that’s your look, rock it for all it’s worth. Just don’t put a bulky cell phone or wallet in your hip pockets. It defeats the purpose.