Not even a big Benghazi arrest can quell the conservative fervor

 

Wouldn’t you think that the seizure of a prime Benghazi suspect, on orders from the commander-in-chief, would please the people who are most obsessed about Benghazi? Nah.

Wouldn’t you think that the arrest of Ahmed Abu Khatalla, engineered in Libya by two dozen Delta Force commandos, would inspire at least a moment of non-partisan patriotism? Nah. After all, it was Barack Obama who gave the order. A big capture means nothing if it carries Obama’s cooties.

As news of the arrest circulated yesterday, alarm bells reverberated throughout the conservative infauxtainment complex. The predominant theme was “Yeah but.” As in, “yeah we caught the guy, but something has gotta be wrong with it.”

For instance, Sen. Lindsey Graham said yeah, the capture is good, but he’s not happy that Obama put the suspect on a Navy warship: “Holding Khatalla on a ship shows the haphazard approach which comes from not having rational detention and interrogation policies.” (A phony complaint. Newly captured terrorist suspects are commonly held on warships.) Graham said yeah, it’s nice we got the guy, but “it would be a mistake for the ages to read this guy his Miranda rights.” (A phony complaint. The Obama administration, citing “public safety,” has typically interrogated suspects for long periods without reading them their Miranda rights.)

Other armchair warriors said that yeah, Khatalla’s arrest was fine, but it took Obama way too long to get him. (This, from the same people who never uttered a peep – for seven years – when George W. Bush failed to get Osama bin Laden). Delta Force commandos reportedly practiced for months at Fort Bragg, and military sources stress that missions like this take a long time, if only to ensure minimal casualties – but apparently those facts don’t matter, not in the fever swamp, where the word is that Obama timed the order for crass political purposes.

Ex-congressman Joe Walsh, on Twitter: “Glad we nabbed a Benghazi suspect, but the timing is questionable. Did they let him wander, waiting for the perfect political opportunity?” Rush Limbaugh on the air: “Isn’t it amazing, timely coincidence here, that they have found a militia leader…Isn’t it fortunate that President Obama get a headline using the U.S. military when he really needs one.” Ex-congressman Allen West on Twitter: “Benghazi suspect conveniently captured to deflect attention from all the other nightmares.”

You know what? I think we should help the Obama haters go to the next level. I’d suggest these talking points:

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect to deflect attention from President Bush’s historic victory in Iraq, where, in Bush’s words, “the seeds of freedom have been planted.”

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect to deflect attention from the future discovery of his long-form Kenyan birth certificate.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect to deflect attention from his tyrannical theory about climate change that isn’t real because we’re not scientists.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect to deflect attention from the news that the economy has recouped the nearly nine million jobs lost during the Great Recession that he caused before he became president.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect to deflect attention from the epidemic of gay marriages that are threatening to destroy our traditional families.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect and issued a statement saying that “we will remain vigilant against all acts of terrorism,” but, as a fellow Muslim, he notably refused to use the word “terrorist.”

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect, but some say there are reports of rumors that he plans to personally greet Khatalla in civilian court with a terrorist fist bump.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect, or so it would appear, because there is no evidence whatsoever that this episode wasn’t faked in a studio like the moon landings.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect to deflect attention from the impeachable offense of Lois Lerner’s missing IRS emails.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect to deflect attention from the return of Bowe Bergdahl, and deflect attention from the president’s impeachable refusal to leave that soldier behind.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect to deflect attention from the fact that nobody anywhere in America has signed up for the Obamacare train wreck.

Obama captured the Benghazi suspect at this point in time just to help Hillary Clinton on her book tour.

OK, maybe that last one goes too far, because they’d never say something that nuts….oh wait!

A Fox News guy, yesterday: “You have a former secretary of state who is in the middle of a high profile book tour, I think this (capture) is convenient for her.” Another Fox News guy said yesterday that “the timing of this stinks….I don’t think it’s a coincidence, I think this timing was planned.” Another Fox News guy, yesterday: “It’s all too neat. And it’s too cute….It feels too neat on the timing.” Limbaugh, yesterday: “In the midst of Mrs. Clinton’s failed book tour and failed book rollout, all of a sudden we capture the militia leader who led the attack. It’s a beautiful thing.”

Were they even aware of their own noxious insinuation, that the military they profess to revere was actually complicit in a craven political conspiracy? These people are beyond parody.

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