The Olympics are here – wake me when they’re over

I’m sure Danny Boyle will produce a magnificent opening ceremony. And I’m sure NBC will give us tear-jerking portraits of our American competitors.

I don’t care. I ain’t watching the Olympics. Why?

1. The events are mostly stupid. Sure, the gymnasts are great in the summer, and ice skaters in winter. But come on, the hammer throw? Badminton? Canoe sprints?

2. I’d rather we spend the zillion dollars it takes to train athletes and build Olympic venues to restore some of the physical education programs that are disappearing from American schools and get our kids off their butts. I don’t think they’re going to be inspired much by the synchronized swimming competition.

3. Do we really need more nationalism in this crazy world? Maybe some athletes have truly international experiences, but for most people the Olympics are about rooting for our flag, our people, hoping our country of 311 million can crush those suckers from the Czech Republic. We all look so great on our feet waving flags and yelling “U-S-A!”

So if you want to spend two weeks watching doped-up kids in funny clothes, go ahead. I’ll read Newsworks and follow my last-place baseball team….on the other hand, the javelin toss is kinda cool.