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A woman staring out of her window, reflecting on the holidays. (Courtesy of Bigstock)
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The holiday season is often associated with joy and time with friends and family, but it can also bring intense pressure and heightened stress.
A 2023 poll by the American Psychological Association found that 9 in 10 U.S. adults say their stress stems from finances, grief and family conflict.
However, we can manage and prepare for the stress we accumulate, says Shamm H. Petros, therapist and senior director of learning and development at Lion’s Story. She offers these five tips on how to prepare for stressful moments.
Before your family blindsides you with their annual greatest hits — from conversations about politics to questions like “So, when are you getting married?” Petros recommends you write out a list of subjects that are uncomfortable for you.
Then organize your list, rate them by relevance and review them before family time starts. This not only helps you identify your triggers ahead of time; it also helps you start to get comfortable taking these subjects on.
Dr. Elizabeth Scott, a stress-management expert, has identified many styles of journaling that anyone can adapt to their style and needs.
Once you have that list of triggers, the next thing Petros recommends is to become familiar with your “body map,” that is, knowing how and where certain emotions manifest physically.
“If you’re feeling angry, maybe you feel that in your jaw or your fist,” Petros said. “If you’re feeling anxiety, maybe that’s in your stomach.”
Petros says understanding your physical reactions to emotions is an important part of stress management.
There are many breathing techniques you can practice ahead of a family gathering. It can be helpful to have some on hand to help you ground yourself in a stressful situation.
“Breathing allows the body to re-regulate,” Petros said.
One technique she highlighted is called “box breathing.” which is visualizing a square, inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 4 seconds, exhaling for 4 seconds and then holding for 4 seconds.
Breath work can help decrease heart rate, lower blood pressure and relax tense muscles. Finding one that fits your style is another part of stress management.
It is recommended that you prepare some responses to those triggering conversations to help you redirect them to a more manageable interaction.
“This is where we have adults imagine different possibilities,” Petros said.
Make sure that these responses are respectful — not only to the person you are talking to but to yourself as well.
“The ask of these scripts, in practicing what you would say, is what would it take for you to feel OK and, dare we imagine, better!” Petros said.
Petros suggests practicing these responses in the mirror or with a trusted friend or family member. And even if you don’t use any of them during holiday interactions, the feeling of knowing you have options can be just as impactful.
If all else fails, or you need to tap out for a bit, it’s best to have an exit strategy. Have a safe place in mind ahead of time, in case the strategies above don’t work out.
If you need further assistance managing stress during the holidays, seek out these mental health resources:
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