This is the type of video that criminal blooper-reel shows pray the gods of such programming send their way.
Released by Philadelphia Police on Monday, it showcases the keystone-kriminal nature of two men who decided to break into the Healing Pharmacy, located at 109 W. Chelten Ave. in Germantown, on the afternoon of Thanksgiving Eve.
No, crime is not funny. It may border on irresponsible to make light of a caper in which prescription pills could have been stolen for resale on the streets of Philadelphia.
But, take a look at this 3:40 of footage and, whether you do so while smirking or not, help police solve the case if you can.
Onto the details
On the afternoon of Nov. 22, security cameras record two men walking down an alley outside the Germantown pharmacy. One is walking backwards; the other cannot, however, as he is carrying furniture which will presumably serve as a booster step to gain second-story access.
The video then cuts to an interior shot, with a red-arrow special effect added to draw attention to the exact spot from which backwards-walking burglar will soon crash to the pharmacy floor. He loses his footing and pieces of ceiling fall all around him.
Evading a dangling piece of ceiling, he quickly regains balance and runs to the prescription-pill wall, loading them into the backpack he brought with him.
Realizing he dropped the hard hat he was wearing, he seeks it out and puts it back on. However, it seems that getting into Healing Pharmacy was easier than getting out.
His first attempt: Failure.
Second attempt: See above, except this time, he loses his construction hat again.
Third: Another fall.
Fourth: He was able to successfully escape except for the fact that he left both his “Perryman Building And Construction” helmet (complete with the initials D.A. written inside in marker) and pill-filled backpack behind.
The footage then cuts back out to the alley, from which both men are seen running.
The would-be robber is described as a bald man in his 30s or 40s with a medium build and black pointed beard who was wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt, khaki pants and white sneakers at the time. (The alleged accompice: some guy in a dark hooded sweatshirt, jeans and sneakers).
NewsWorks called Perryman Building and Construction, an entity with a voicemail indicating its West Philadelphia location was once home to American Bandstand’s studios, seeking information about D.A.
However, a message went unreturned Monday afternoon.
Anyone with information about the unidentified suspects is asked to call 911, the Northwest Detective Division at (215) 686-3353/54 or the tipsline at (215) 686-8477 (TIPS). Tips can also be texted to PPD TIP (773847) or submitted via the department’s website.