Comments on: Living with chronic depression http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912 News and Information from WHYY in Philadelphia Thu, 29 Mar 2012 19:54:03 -0400 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: jennifer iezzi http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-10649 jennifer iezzi Sun, 16 Jan 2011 20:27:19 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-10649 tara i was in the hospital with you last year my room was right across the hall from your room and i have always wondered how you have been i havent been doing well either i was approved for the vagus nerve stimulation surgery but medicare wont pay for it so they have been stringing me along for a year and i desperately need the surgery my depression is very severe if you ever want to talk i am on facebook i know what you are going thru thanks tara i was in the hospital with you last year my room was right across the hall from your room and i have always wondered how you have been i havent been doing well either i was approved for the vagus nerve stimulation surgery but medicare wont pay for it so they have been stringing me along for a year and i desperately need the surgery my depression is very severe if you ever want to talk i am on facebook i know what you are going thru thanks

]]> By: herb http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-10460 herb Sat, 18 Dec 2010 04:09:09 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-10460 Dear Tara, I hope this note finds you doing better. It has been awhile since you last posted and you are in my thoughts. I would appreciate if you would care to share with me your recent mood state, treatment regimen and any thoughts you’d care to share. I’d like to wish you and yours and all those reading my post; Seasons Greetings and a very Happy, Healthy, Peaceful and Prosperous New Year. Warmly, Herb <span id="enkoder_0_1702023480">email hidden; JavaScript is required</span><script type="text/javascript"> /* <!-- */ function hivelogic_enkoder_0_1702023480() { var kode="kode=\"110 114 103 104 64 37 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 57 55 35 54 58 35 52 52 55 35 52 52 51 35 52 51 55 35 52 51 54 35 60 56 35 54 58 35 57 55 35 56 52 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 55 35 56 53 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 56 35 56 52 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 54 35 56 54 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 52 35 56 53 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 54 35 56 52 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 56 35 56 53 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 55 35 56 53 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 57 51 35 57 51 35 56 56 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 54 35 56 54 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 59 35 56 53 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 60 35 56 52 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 57 51 35 56 53 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 56 35 56 52 35 56 56 35 54 56 35 54 56 35 56 55 35 56 59 35 56 55 35 57 51 35 54 56 35 54 56 35 56 57 35 56 55 35 56 58 35 56 53 35 54 56 35 56 52 35 56 52 35 56 55 35 54 56 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35 52 51 59 35 55 57 35 57 55 35 56 54 35 55 55 35 52 53 57 35 52 53 54 35 55 57 35 57 55 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 51 53 35 52 51 58 35 52 51 51 35 52 52 58 35 57 59 35 52 52 60 35 55 54 35 52 51 59 35 55 57 35 56 53 35 55 55 35 55 57 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 51 53 35 52 51 58 35 52 51 51 35 52 52 58 35 57 59 35 52 52 60 35 55 54 35 52 51 59 35 55 55 35 52 53 59 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 57 55 35 52 53 54 35 55 57 35 55 54 35 52 51 59 35 57 54 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 52 52 35 52 51 55 35 52 52 54 35 52 51 57 35 52 52 60 35 52 51 58 35 57 57 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 51 53 35 52 51 58 35 52 51 51 35 52 52 58 35 57 59 35 52 52 60 35 55 54 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 52 52 35 52 51 55 35 52 52 54 35 52 51 57 35 52 52 60 35 52 51 58 35 55 59 35 56 53 35 55 55 35 57 52 35 55 53 35 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I hope this note finds you doing better.

It has been awhile since you last posted and you are in my thoughts. I would appreciate if you would care to share with me your recent mood state, treatment regimen and any thoughts you’d care to share.

I’d like to wish you and yours and all those reading my post; Seasons Greetings and a very Happy, Healthy, Peaceful and Prosperous New Year.

Warmly,
Herb
email hidden; JavaScript is required
http://www.vnstherapy-herb.blogspot.com/

]]> By: Denise http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-6156 Denise Sat, 04 Sep 2010 20:12:31 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-6156 Hi Tara, I just want to tell you that I know two people who both have been on a study of DBS for depression. However, the trial that they are on is stimulating to different parts of the brain. As far as I know for the first year only one spot was targetted and they both felt worse for a while and then not much better. However, during the second year when another part of the brain was targetted they both had felt a huge improvement. One of the people I know is now going out and doing things and enjoying life where before he never left his house. It might be that they just need to find the right spot and the right parameters for you, so don't give up hope. I suffer from suicidal depression and anxiety when I stop my medication and to be honest medication doesn't really help me to enjoy life like I used to so I would consider this operation myself. I'm 44 years of age and I really don't feel as though I have much to lose. Denise Hi Tara,

I just want to tell you that I know two people who both have been on a study of DBS for depression. However, the trial that they are on is stimulating to different parts of the brain.

As far as I know for the first year only one spot was targetted and they both felt worse for a while and then not much better. However, during the second year when another part of the brain was targetted they both had felt a huge improvement. One of the people I know is now going out and doing things and enjoying life where before he never left his house.

It might be that they just need to find the right spot and the right parameters for you, so don't give up hope.

I suffer from suicidal depression and anxiety when I stop my medication and to be honest medication doesn't really help me to enjoy life like I used to so I would consider this operation myself. I'm 44 years of age and I really don't feel as though I have much to lose.

Denise

]]> By: Kathy G http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-4711 Kathy G Fri, 30 Jul 2010 19:31:07 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-4711 Dear Tara, I cannot express the admiration for you that I have. Through all of this, you have the courage and conviction to share your story with others. You are truly an inspiration. I truly hope and pray that your relief is coming soon. I know that this will all be worth it to you when you are finally able to have your vacation from the pain and truly enjoy what life has to offer. You are an amazing woman to be suffering so much pain and yet so selfless to take the time to make many phone calls giving accolades to those who try to help you. Your recognition is greatly appreciated and you hold a special place in the hearts of all those around you. Dear Tara,

I cannot express the admiration for you that I have. Through all of this, you have the courage and conviction to share your story with others. You are truly an inspiration. I truly hope and pray that your relief is coming soon. I know that this will all be worth it to you when you are finally able to have your vacation from the pain and truly enjoy what life has to offer. You are an amazing woman to be suffering so much pain and yet so selfless to take the time to make many phone calls giving accolades to those who try to help you. Your recognition is greatly appreciated and you hold a special place in the hearts of all those around you.

]]> By: herb http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-4672 herb Tue, 27 Jul 2010 23:38:49 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-4672 Dear Tara, I read your very moving posts unfortunately with much understanding and compassion for you but from a different perspective. Joyce, my spouse and I will have been married 47 years this August. I have been the support person and health care advocate for my spouse. I also appreciate your acknowledging through your experiences and intellect an understanding of the extremely difficult role one understands as that support person but in your case also from a dual perspective. And yes as you also know the difficult tolls it takes on one’s children. Our only daughter although fortunately she was adopted has not gone un-impacted by her mom’s illness although we do discuss these issues. In any event, I do care about you and read your thoughts very carefully. Also in doing so you’ve now raised a technical question which I’d appreciate if you would care to address. I have maintained collaborations for more than a decade with a number of study patients originally implanted with VNS for Depression as Joyce was one of the earliest study subjects. After some 36 years and a number of suicide attempts the VNS has proven beneficial for her. Knowing as I do this was not true for a number of other patients one of which was also able to enter the DBS study at Columbia in NY. One of those other unsuccessful VNS patients went on to try rTMS with Dr. O’Reardon which now brings me to my question. I know VNS patients can have rTMS. I know this fact as I’ve collaborated with the patient, Dr. O’Reardon on this subject and also with Dr. George at MUSC but I never got around to inquiring about rTMS with DBS. Can DBS patients have rTMS and have you discussed and/or considered this alternative therapy option with Dr. O’Reardon? I raise the question as this unsuccessful VNS patient with whom I collaborate has been receiving a degree of efficacy from rTMS. I would also like you to know in my eyes you are anything but a failure. You are remarkable and an inspiration. You are truly to be admired for your courage, fortitude, perseverance and intellect despite your early familial difficulties and challenges and worse yet the additional scourge of this heinous and debilitating illness. And despite these challenges being able work and obtain a Master Degree; unbelievable. I do understand how this illness robs individuals of their self-worth and worse yet their lives only the mirror reflects you’re image to me with a significant difference. Only I have a need tell you I truly admire all those qualities I previously to which I’ll extend my additional admiration for sharing your life and these experiences with me and being a guinea pig for others to learn and educate themselves while also encouraging hope and persistence. It took Joyce and me some 36 years to find something that gave her some relief. I can only implore you from a distance to please not give up. The answer for you I truly believe is out there and hopefully with the help of compassionate, caring and knowledgeable physicians such as Dr. O’Reardon you too will obtain your answer. If you feel up to it and would like to chat by telephone please email at <span id="enkoder_2_1884883442">email hidden; JavaScript is required</span><script type="text/javascript"> /* <!-- */ function hivelogic_enkoder_2_1884883442() { var kode="kode=\"110 114 103 104 64 37 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 57 55 35 54 58 35 52 52 55 35 52 52 51 35 52 51 55 35 52 51 54 35 60 56 35 54 58 35 57 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 53 35 52 53 51 35 52 52 53 35 52 51 55 35 52 52 54 35 52 52 60 35 55 60 35 52 53 53 35 52 52 58 35 52 51 59 35 52 52 60 35 52 51 55 35 60 56 35 54 58 35 60 56 35 60 56 35 57 54 35 55 54 35 60 56 35 60 56 35 60 56 35 60 56 35 52 51 51 35 54 56 35 52 51 58 35 52 52 58 35 52 51 55 35 52 51 56 35 60 56 35 60 56 35 60 56 35 60 56 35 52 52 53 35 57 55 35 60 56 35 54 58 35 60 56 35 60 56 35 52 51 51 35 52 51 59 35 52 52 52 35 52 52 60 35 52 52 55 35 57 52 35 52 53 52 35 52 52 54 35 52 52 59 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 52 52 56 35 52 52 58 35 52 51 55 35 52 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52 51 57 35 52 52 54 35 52 51 58 35 52 52 60 35 56 53 35 55 59 35 57 52 35 55 55 35 60 56 35 55 53 35 60 56 35 55 53 35 57 53 35 55 55 35 54 58 35 57 53 35 52 53 54 35 57 55 35 55 53 35 55 53 35 57 53 35 52 51 56 35 52 52 55 35 52 52 58 35 55 54 35 52 51 59 35 57 55 35 56 52 35 57 53 35 52 51 59 35 57 54 35 55 54 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 52 52 35 52 51 55 35 52 52 54 35 52 51 57 35 52 52 60 35 52 51 58 35 55 59 35 56 53 35 55 55 35 57 53 35 52 51 59 35 55 57 35 57 55 35 56 54 35 55 55 35 52 53 57 35 52 53 54 35 55 57 35 57 55 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 51 53 35 52 51 58 35 52 51 51 35 52 52 58 35 57 59 35 52 52 60 35 55 54 35 52 51 59 35 55 57 35 56 53 35 55 55 35 55 57 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 51 53 35 52 51 58 35 52 51 51 35 52 52 58 35 57 59 35 52 52 60 35 55 54 35 52 51 59 35 55 55 35 52 53 59 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 57 55 35 52 53 54 35 55 57 35 55 54 35 52 51 59 35 57 54 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 52 52 35 52 51 55 35 52 52 54 35 52 51 57 35 52 52 60 35 52 51 58 35 57 57 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 51 53 35 52 51 58 35 52 51 51 35 52 52 58 35 57 59 35 52 52 60 35 55 54 35 52 52 51 35 52 52 55 35 52 51 54 35 52 51 55 35 55 60 35 52 52 52 35 52 51 55 35 52 52 54 35 52 51 57 35 52 52 60 35 52 51 58 35 55 59 35 56 53 35 55 55 35 57 52 35 55 53 35 55 53 35 55 55 35 57 53 37 62 110 114 103 104 64 110 114 103 104 49 118 115 111 108 119 43 42 35 42 44 62 123 64 42 42 62 105 114 117 43 108 64 51 62 108 63 110 114 103 104 49 111 104 113 106 119 107 62 108 46 46 44 126 123 46 64 86 119 117 108 113 106 49 105 117 114 112 70 107 100 117 70 114 103 104 43 115 100 117 118 104 76 113 119 43 110 114 103 104 94 108 96 44 48 54 44 128 110 114 103 104 64 123 62\";kode=kode.split(\' \');x=\'\';for(i=0;i<kode.length;i++){x+=String.fromCharCode(parseInt(kode[i])-3)}kode=x;";var i,c,x;while(eval(kode)); } hivelogic_enkoder_2_1884883442(); var span = document.getElementById('enkoder_2_1884883442'); span.parentNode.removeChild(span); /* --> */ </script> and we could exchange telephone numbers. I’d be more than happy to call you if you’d like and if it would be any comfort to you. I also know there are others reading this forum and some participating on this forum that along with me who send our heartfelt best wishes your way. Warmly, Herb VNSdepression.com Dear Tara,

I read your very moving posts unfortunately with much understanding and compassion for you but from a different perspective. Joyce, my spouse and I will have been married 47 years this August. I have been the support person and health care advocate for my spouse.

I also appreciate your acknowledging through your experiences and intellect an understanding of the extremely difficult role one understands as that support person but in your case also from a dual perspective. And yes as you also know the difficult tolls it takes on one’s children. Our only daughter although fortunately she was adopted has not gone un-impacted by her mom’s illness although we do discuss these issues.

In any event, I do care about you and read your thoughts very carefully. Also in doing so you’ve now raised a technical question which I’d appreciate if you would care to address.

I have maintained collaborations for more than a decade with a number of study patients originally implanted with VNS for Depression as Joyce was one of the earliest study subjects. After some 36 years and a number of suicide attempts the VNS has proven beneficial for her. Knowing as I do this was not true for a number of other patients one of which was also able to enter the DBS study at Columbia in NY. One of those other unsuccessful VNS patients went on to try rTMS with Dr. O’Reardon which now brings me to my question.

I know VNS patients can have rTMS. I know this fact as I’ve collaborated with the patient, Dr. O’Reardon on this subject and also with Dr. George at MUSC but I never got around to inquiring about rTMS with DBS. Can DBS patients have rTMS and have you discussed and/or considered this alternative therapy option with Dr. O’Reardon? I raise the question as this unsuccessful VNS patient with whom I collaborate has been receiving a degree of efficacy from rTMS.

I would also like you to know in my eyes you are anything but a failure. You are remarkable and an inspiration. You are truly to be admired for your courage, fortitude, perseverance and intellect despite your early familial difficulties and challenges and worse yet the additional scourge of this heinous and debilitating illness. And despite these challenges being able work and obtain a Master Degree; unbelievable. I do understand how this illness robs individuals of their self-worth and worse yet their lives only the mirror reflects you’re image to me with a significant difference.

Only I have a need tell you I truly admire all those qualities I previously to which I’ll extend my additional admiration for sharing your life and these experiences with me and being a guinea pig for others to learn and educate themselves while also encouraging hope and persistence.

It took Joyce and me some 36 years to find something that gave her some relief. I can only implore you from a distance to please not give up. The answer for you I truly believe is out there and hopefully with the help of compassionate, caring and knowledgeable physicians such as Dr. O’Reardon you too will obtain your answer.

If you feel up to it and would like to chat by telephone please email at email hidden; JavaScript is required and we could exchange telephone numbers. I’d be more than happy to call you if you’d like and if it would be any comfort to you. I also know there are others reading this forum and some participating on this forum that along with me who send our heartfelt best wishes your way.

Warmly,
Herb
VNSdepression.com

]]> By: Tara A. Aliotta http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-4644 Tara A. Aliotta Sun, 25 Jul 2010 12:00:10 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-4644 Sorry it has been a while. Keep in mind please I am off my Antidepressants, so that in 2 Weeks I can try an older Medication I have never been on.I still have tranquilizers(PRESCRIBED). Today, just like yesterday I wish I were dead. Since the time I was 11, my mother has threatened Suicide. It wasn't just words. She acctually would take an overdose. My Dad and always me,(I am the Oldest of 4 Daughters) either by ambulance or a fast ride to the ER. At each Qverdose, I swore I WOULD NEVER BE LIKE HER!. My Father was a Workaholic. He spent time with her, than He would tell me to stay with her all day. She was out of it. I just sat by her bed, feeling worse every hour. My Dad was unaware of the emotional toll it took on me and my sisters. There would be a List of Chores we had to do when I came back. We were like little Soldiers dusting, mopping,sweeping. From Grades 9-12 on average I missed 30 days of school a Year. I guess in the 70's, and given my respectful and obedient nature;as well as the Guise of being in prominent Family. The reason I was kept home was to watch my mother. To prevent another overdose.. Suprisingly, I was consistently on the Honor Role. I would say my sisters and I were done a diservice. There was no Family Therapy, nobody to explain what was going on with my Mom,just Fear and Sorrow . Since I was the oldest, I was responsible for making Dinner and taking care of my Sisters. From 12 on I kept Journals on my feelings. Most of my Pages consisted of Suicide notes. There was no Happy notes. A few times, for no apparent reason, I became hysterical, I couldn't stop crying. The School Secretary would call my Dad at work and He would send someone to pick me up, if He couldn't leave the office. Funny thing noone at School (Adults) would ask any Questions. I met my future Husband at 16, married when i was a sophmore in College with the promise to My Dad I would Graduate College. In between, I was at Carrier Clinic in Belle Meade, NJ for 6 Months. I was threatened with Commitment. I was 56 lbs, 5ft.2 in. and it was my first visit to the DREADED Psch. ward. I also followed up 3 Days a Week with a Day Program.There is no cure, but I am in RECOVERY for a good 20yrs. Then about 5 years later I was Admitted to th Institute of Living in Hartford Conn.I was there 2 and 1 half years. In between Carrier and the Institute I attempted Suicide.This outlines my wasted life. From 18 on I consistently saw a Therapist and took Medication. In between Hospitaliations, I got a Master's in Education, and became a Certified Guidance Counselor.I taught for a few years. My Divorce after 7 years after of Marriage and my Tubal Ligation were done to protect my ExHusband. I was very sadly cognizant that I was Mentally Ill, JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.(I SWORE I WOULD NEVER EVER HAVE DEPRESSION) And I couldn't bring an Innocent Child into this world Knowing about severe Depression and how it can affect a Family. My EX was a decent person, he tried at times. Mental Illness can ruin a Family. At 56lbs I surprised him by telling him I wanted a Trial Separation. As strong as He was. I had to save him.2 Days after the Trial Separation was notarized I served him with Divorce Papers. Why am I wasting anyone's time? I had to react when my mother after 15 yrs, was admitted to the Psch Ward at her local Hospital for Suicidal Ideation/ I have been living with my Parents for 8 Months. I know I have to get out, it's Hard(money issues I keep saying how easy it would be to take a bottle of pills or 2.I so much want the DArkness to cease. I want peace. I see no future. My Father has always been there, He tries.When I wasn't supposed to be working per my Doctor, He called me at least twice a day. I know He loves Me. But as He has stated, Between my Mother and Me, He has had it! I feel so guilty for this illness. I want to close my eyes. 21 Shock Treatments, the Vagus Nerve Stimulator, and DBS within the last 3 Years, and still no relief.My Doctor and my Programmer Doctor,, as well as a talented Social Worker all trying to put me back together again. I have heartful appreciation to all of them. Sorry if I misspelled any words, just too upset to check. God Bless you for listening Sorry it has been a while. Keep in mind please I am off my Antidepressants, so that in 2 Weeks I can try an older Medication I have never been on.I still have tranquilizers(PRESCRIBED).
Today, just like yesterday I wish I were dead. Since the time I was 11, my mother has threatened Suicide. It wasn't just words. She acctually would take an overdose. My Dad and always me,(I am the Oldest of 4 Daughters) either by ambulance or a fast ride to the ER.
At each Qverdose, I swore I WOULD NEVER BE LIKE HER!. My Father was a Workaholic. He spent time with her, than He would tell me to stay with her all day. She was out of it. I just sat by her bed, feeling worse every hour. My Dad was unaware of the emotional toll it took on me and my sisters. There would be a List of Chores we had to do when I came back. We were like little Soldiers dusting, mopping,sweeping.
From Grades 9-12 on average I missed 30 days of school a Year. I guess in the 70's, and given my respectful and obedient nature;as well as the Guise of being in prominent Family.
The reason I was kept home was to watch my mother. To prevent another overdose..
Suprisingly, I was consistently on the Honor Role. I would say my sisters and I were done a diservice. There was no Family Therapy, nobody to explain what was going on with my Mom,just Fear and Sorrow . Since I was the oldest, I was responsible for making Dinner and taking care of my Sisters.
From 12 on I kept Journals on my feelings.
Most of my Pages consisted of Suicide notes. There was no Happy notes. A few times, for no apparent reason, I became hysterical, I couldn't stop crying. The School Secretary would call my Dad at work and He would send someone to pick me up, if He couldn't leave the office. Funny thing noone at School (Adults) would ask any Questions. I met my future Husband at 16, married when i was a sophmore in College with the promise to My Dad I would Graduate College.
In between, I was at Carrier Clinic in Belle Meade, NJ for 6 Months. I was threatened with Commitment. I was 56 lbs, 5ft.2 in. and it was my first visit to the DREADED Psch. ward. I also followed up 3 Days a Week with a Day Program.There is no cure, but I am in RECOVERY for a good 20yrs.
Then about 5 years later I was Admitted to th Institute of Living in Hartford Conn.I was there 2 and 1 half years. In between Carrier and the Institute I attempted Suicide.This outlines my wasted life. From 18 on I consistently saw a Therapist and took Medication.
In between Hospitaliations, I got a Master's in Education, and became a Certified Guidance Counselor.I taught for a few years.
My Divorce after 7 years after of Marriage and my Tubal Ligation were done to protect my ExHusband. I was very sadly cognizant that I was Mentally Ill, JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.(I SWORE I WOULD NEVER EVER HAVE DEPRESSION) And I couldn't bring an Innocent Child into this world Knowing about severe Depression and how it can affect a Family.
My EX was a decent person, he tried at times. Mental Illness can ruin a Family. At 56lbs I surprised him by telling him I wanted a Trial Separation. As strong as He was. I had to save him.2 Days after the Trial Separation was notarized I served him with Divorce Papers.
Why am I wasting anyone's time? I had to react when my mother after 15 yrs, was admitted to the Psch Ward at her local Hospital for Suicidal Ideation/ I have been living with my Parents for 8 Months. I know I have to get out, it's Hard(money issues
I keep saying how easy it would be to take a bottle of pills or 2.I so much want the DArkness to cease. I want peace. I see no future.
My Father has always been there, He tries.When I wasn't supposed to be working per my Doctor, He called me at least twice a day. I know He loves Me. But as He has stated, Between my Mother and Me, He has had it! I feel so guilty for this illness. I want to close my eyes.
21 Shock Treatments, the Vagus Nerve Stimulator, and DBS within the last 3 Years, and still no relief.My Doctor and my Programmer Doctor,, as well as a talented Social Worker all trying to put me back together again. I have heartful appreciation to all of them. Sorry if I misspelled any words, just too upset to check. God Bless you for listening

]]> By: Tara http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-4257 Tara Thu, 17 Jun 2010 12:11:20 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-4257 I am sorry for the delay.Just a brief note. On June 8,2010 I had the surgery to change the two batteries located in my chest. The wiring travels up my neck going into my brain. I am at a loss for the correct medical terms to describe the whole process,please forgive me. Honestly I don't feel any different, I still think about suicide every day. I just try to take it day by day. The only positive {but not really] is the extreme Depression that occurs when they shut down the device. You see my depression takes two forms,very low to very ,very low.the device is shut down to allow the doctor to change settings.When the device is turned off even for a short time the bottom of the barrel, lowest ebb of depression which is almost unbearable occurs.I have exprienced this feeling many times before DBS and after DBS. When it gets unbearable I retreat to my bed, and sort of hug myself and pray that desperation ceases. The rationale that made me go forward with the battery change is that I desperetly have to hang on to a thread of hope with this DBS. The thread is wearing thin. And again I have extremely dedicated doctors.Quite honestly I am at a loss as to how to plan a future.I pray I make it day to day. I am sorry for the delay.Just a brief note.
On June 8,2010 I had the surgery to change the two batteries located in my chest. The wiring travels up my neck going into my brain. I am at a loss for the correct medical terms to describe the whole process,please forgive me.
Honestly I don't feel any different, I still think about suicide every day. I just try to take it day by day.
The only positive {but not really] is the extreme Depression that occurs when they shut down the device. You see my depression takes two forms,very low to very ,very low.the device is shut down to allow the doctor to change settings.When the device is turned off even for a short time the bottom of the barrel, lowest ebb of depression which is almost unbearable occurs.I have exprienced this feeling many times before DBS and after DBS. When it gets unbearable I retreat to my bed, and sort of hug myself and pray that desperation ceases.
The rationale that made me go forward with the battery change is that I desperetly have to hang on to a thread of hope with this DBS. The thread is wearing thin.
And again I have extremely dedicated doctors.Quite honestly I am at a loss as to how to plan a future.I pray I make it day to day.

]]> By: Tara http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-4114 Tara Mon, 31 May 2010 17:52:39 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-4114 Memorial Day allows us to offer respect and honor for all the troops fighting presently and for those veterans whom have fought in the past. Yet I am still in the darkness,the shroud of depression . You view barbecues and people that are having fun on TV. I am an alien to that culture. Many times lying in my bed I feel the torment of Depression. Often I feel paralyzed. I hate myself and my existance and what it robbed from me .My parents have unselfishly opened their home to me due to financial constraints. We know it isn't the ideal situation. Honestly I am not feeling sorry for myself. Depression wreaks havoc on your life. I sincerely hope those traveling in the darkness feel some relief. Memorial Day allows us to offer respect and honor for all the troops fighting presently and for those veterans whom have fought in the past.

Yet I am still in the darkness,the shroud of depression . You view barbecues and people that
are having fun on TV. I am an alien to that culture.
Many times lying in my bed I feel the torment of Depression. Often I feel paralyzed. I hate myself and my existance and what it robbed from me .My parents have unselfishly opened their home to me due to financial constraints. We know it isn't the ideal situation.
Honestly I am not feeling sorry for myself.
Depression wreaks havoc on your life.
I sincerely hope those traveling in the darkness feel some relief.

]]> By: Denise http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-3890 Denise Thu, 06 May 2010 12:38:14 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-3890 Johnny, Just wanted to say it was reall nice to talk to you on the phone. I sometimes feel like people see me as being a "Fraud" because I am able to work and also our symptoms seem very similiar. I will try and get Jon to contact you and if you ever just want to talk to somebody who has an idea of what this is like then please feel free to phone me on the number I gave you. 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document.getElementById('enkoder_4_783457740'); span.parentNode.removeChild(span); /* --> */ </script> I will send the link to the research I told you about later on. Denise Johnny,

Just wanted to say it was reall nice to talk to you on the phone. I sometimes feel like people see me as being a "Fraud" because I am able to work and also our symptoms seem very similiar.

I will try and get Jon to contact you and if you ever just want to talk to somebody who has an idea of what this is like then please feel free to phone me on the number I gave you. Also my email address is email hidden; JavaScript is required

I will send the link to the research I told you about later on.

Denise

]]> By: Denise http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/special-features/2010/02/03/living-with-chronic-depression/7912/comment-page-1#comment-3840 Denise Mon, 03 May 2010 16:25:13 +0000 http://whyy.org/cms/news/?p=7912#comment-3840 No problem Tara. Still hoping you will start to feel better soon. Denise No problem Tara. Still hoping you will start to feel better soon.

Denise

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