Talking About Kids tips for March 5th's program, Children and Divorce

To help children through transition

• be honest
• be assuring with comments as "We love you, we'll take care of you
• let your child know "it's not your fault."
• don't blame the other parent for what went wrong or in any way belittle the other parent
• let your child express his or her feelings and LISTEN
• tell your child how you feel
• let younger children role play scenarios with puppets to express their thoughts and feelings, and how they think you think and feel about the situation
• create continuity -- the noncustodial parent should have a room for your child at his or her house; visits should be regular
• the noncustodial parent should involve the child in his routine of everyday living, such as helping to prepare meals, mowing the lawn, etc., rather than treat as a guest;
• the noncustodial parent should avoid an every-day-is- Christmas attitude; it will make the custodial parent look bad, and the noncustodial parent will be seen as a substitute parent
• if either parent starts dating and children are upset, talk to them about it, let them know you understand their feelings, and help them understand that you have feelings too
• provide support systems (family, church, counsellors)

Eileen Bazelon, MD
Allegheny Univ/MCP
Consultant, BrynMawr College & Private Practice
(215) 844-2333

• investigate whether the evaluator is licensed and experienced
• make sure the evaluation involves all members of the family
• do not use an evaluator who has had a prior personal or professional relationship with any member of the family

• include your children in the discussion of custody and visitation, and discuss their point of view
• try to use alternative means of deciding custody (such as mediation) rather than resorting to expensive and potentially bitter litigation

Donald Bersoff, Ph.D; J.D.
Villanova Law School/Alleg. Univ.
(215) 762-8464